Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a farmer who lived next door to a hunter. The farmer's primary means of livelihood was raising sheep. He had a small flock that he tended with much care.

One night, the hunter's dogs discovered a hole in the fence. They broke through and attacked the sheep, causing much damage. The farmer was dismayed and notified his neighbor the next morning. The hunter was apologetic: "I am sorry. I will have my sons keep the dogs in the house from now on. That ought to fix the problem."

The hunter was mistaken. The dogs got out somehow and more chaos ensued. The farmer appeared at the hunter's door the next morning, tired from lack of sleep and angry: "Is this how you fix your problems?"

Again the hunter was apologetic: "My boys tell me the dogs got out by climbing through an open window. I'll have them lock up all the windows at night from now on."

This still did not stop the trouble. These hunting dogs were highly intelligent, and once every few days, they would figure out a new way to break out of the house. Each time the farmer would confront the hunter, and the hunter would make promises, but there were just too many ways for the dogs to get out, so the hunter was not able to cover all the possibilities. This situation continued for weeks.

One morning, the farmer regarded his loss from the previous night, and decided he had enough. Like most Chinese people, he preferred to resolve disputes privately, but in this case he felt he had no choice but to go before the judge.

Judges held tremendous power in ancient China. They could not only interpret the law, but also conduct investigation, render verdict, decide punishment, and enforce sentence. In the right hands, these powers made them extremely effective as agents of justice; in the wrong hands, such powers could be highly corrupting.

At the courthouse, the judge probed the farmer with questions and considered the matter. After a while, he said: "We can solve this problem in two ways. Certainly I can punish your neighbor and order him to compensate you. However, this will no doubt turn him against you. Do you wish to live next door to an enemy?"

"Of course not, your honor," said the farmer. "But I don't see any other way out of this problem."

"There is always another way," said the judge. "I can point it out to you. However, if you wish to hear of this alternative, you must first give me your word to do exactly what I tell you."

Something about the judge's quiet confidence compelled the farmer to nod his head in agreement. "Very well," the judge said. "Here are the steps I want you to follow..."

The judge's instructions were brief. They were also shocking to the farmer. He stuttered: "But... your honor! This is preposterous! Have I not already lost enough?"

The judge's face was stern: "Do you wish to go back on your word and risk my wrath?"

"Of course not! Of course not!" The farmer was frightened. "I will carry out your instructions immediately, your honor."

The farmer went home feeling depressed. He selected two of the youngest and most adorable lambs from his flock. Then, still following the judge's instructions to the letter, he went to the hunter's house and knocked on the door.

The hunter answered with much annoyance: "What is it now?"

The farmer cleared his throat and recalled what the judge told him to say: "For the past few weeks I have bothered you many times, and you have worked hard to contain your dogs as a favor to me. I would like to give you something for your trouble. Here are two of my best lambs for your two sons."

The two boys overheard this and could hardly believe their ears. They crowded the doorway and looked at their father with pleading eyes. The hunter shooed them away, thanked the farmer, and accepted the gift. As the farmer walked back to his house, he could hear the excited voices of the youngsters as they eagerly took their new pets.

Early next morning, the farmer got up to check the sheep. He expected more problems, but found none. Everything was peaceful and quiet. He looked toward the hunter's house, and an amazing sight greeted his eyes: the hunter had built a large cage outside his house. The dogs were sleeping in it, locked up and leashed securely.

After several more uneventful days, the hunter came by the farmer's house, bringing with him fresh kills. He had selected his best to give to the farmer as a reciprocal present. The farmer was touched, and realized that the hunter was actually quite a decent fellow. "The judge was right," he thought to himself. "There is always another way - a much, much better way!"

Every now and then, we can run into possible conflicts with other people, even if we prefer peace. We are minding our own business, not looking for trouble, but trouble comes looking for us. The ever-changing, chaotic nature of life means problems will arise from time to time.

At first, we may decide to talk it over with the other party, to see if we can resolve the issue diplomatically. If that doesn't work, then many of us will decide to escalate it to the next level, which may include violence - or perhaps litigation, as was the case with the farmer.

From the perspective of the Tao, this is a bad idea. Chapter 30 of the Tao Te Ching says it this way:

The place where the troops camp
Thistles and thorns grow
Following the great army
There must be an inauspicious year

At first glance, these lines appear to describe large-scale battles, perhaps during the Warring States period in ancient China. In actuality, these lines describe the essence of conflict at any level, whether between nations or between individuals.

When we wage personal battles against other people, the place where the metaphorical troops camp is the heart that harbors hatred. The thistles and thorns represent the feelings of bitterness and aggression. Their growth represents the festering of such feelings within.

The crucial point of these four lines is the inauspicious year of the aftermath. The land is left in ruins in the wake of the great army. We can see this pattern clearly throughout history - a nation that wages war invariably suffers economic depletion long after the end of military operations.

The same truth applies just as powerfully to our petty conflicts with other people. After our army has launched its attack - after we have lashed out at someone - we continue to suffer, because the festering feelings that remain behind will keep causing us pain.

This was something that the judge saw clearly and pointed out to the farmer. Even if the farmer were to win a verdict against the hunter, the resulting animosity would guarantee the loss of neighborly good will. In the long run, this would be a greater loss than any possible courtroom victory. Lao Tzu might say that the thistles and thorns would remain behind, regardless of how the army performed in battle.

The farmer was lucky that the judge happened to understand the Tao. We may not be quite as lucky, because we may not know someone with that level of wisdom who can help us resolve issues in an elegant way. What we need to do is to learn what we can from this story, so we can turn to the sage within ourselves in times of necessity.

We start out with the recognition that our typical response pattern is to fight fire with fire. The moment we feel like we are being attacked or will be attacked soon, our defenses go up and we get ready to counterattack. We may even launch a preemptive strike, just to be on the safe side.

This strategy may work well in the animal kingdom, but in the context of human civilization, fighting fire with fire tends to result in a massive explosion that hurts everyone, including ourselves. This is why we need the teaching of the Tao, to help us let go of the instinctive urge to fight, and focus instead on the better way.

Every conflict is unique, so the judge's particular solution for the farmer may not work for our own conflicts with others. However, the Tao process that the judge followed will apply in every case and help us discover our own solutions. This process can be broken down into the three steps:

1. Maintain an Open Mind

We start out by being open to the possibility that a creative solution exists. Oftentimes we are like the farmer, unable to see any other way except to clash. We tell ourselves that we have no choice, but this is an illusion. The reality is that there is always a way, just as the judge said. We need to have faith in this, even when the situation seems hopeless.

2. Focus on Oneness

In the survival-oriented mindset, we see life as a win-lose proposition or as a zero-sum game where someone has to lose in order for us to win. The perception of the Tao is not based on this adversarial model, but based on the essential oneness of all mankind.

The more we understand this oneness, the more we can see that someone else's loss is indirectly our loss as well, due to the fundamental connection that binds all of us together. Therefore, in a win-loss scenario, my opponent's defeat subtracts from my victory in a way that may not be immediately obvious, but is nevertheless very real. The only way for us to enjoy a meaningful victory is the win-win scenario, where everyone benefits, and the other party's gain will add indirectly to my own, thus transforming the win into a truly satisfying personal triumph.

3. Seek Common Ground

When we are in the grips of the survival instinct to do battle, all we can see is us versus them. We perceive differences, particularly our goodness in contrast with the evil of the other side. If we can overcome this distorted perception, we are likely to discover the reality that most of us are not so different after all. We're all decent people, with goals and dreams that are more alike than not.

This suggests a way for us to approach conflict resolution. Seeing the other side as human, just like us, is the first step toward the discovery of common ground. Working from this position of commonality and mutual benefit, we can find a way to fit what we want into what the other side wants, or vice versa.

The hunter ended up with the same goal as the farmer - protection of the sheep - and this transformed a seemingly difficult problem into a simple one that could be easily solved. In the same way, when the goals from both sides are adjusted into alignment, the conflict that may seem unavoidable at first will simply dissolve into thin air.

The ultimate lesson we can learn from this story is that not only is there another way, but this other way is far more preferable to our typical urge to strike back at someone who we feel has hurt us. It is based not on harming, but on giving. It always works because when we give skillfully in accordance with the Tao, we end up with more, not less.

Next time we run into possible conflicts with other people, let us turn our attention inward and recall this story to mind, so we can visit the judge within. This wise old judge will point out a clear path for us to follow, a path that will take us toward peace, friendship and joy. This is the Tao - the much, much better way!
 

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