Many teachings start out as fresh insights and powerful wisdom, but over the course of time they become overused and lose their power. They get repeated so much that they become clichés. People know them by heart, but never seem to live up to them.

Here's an example of one such cliché: When you point a finger at someone else, three of your fingers point back at yourself.

We hear this fairly often, and the same sentiment has been expressed in many different ways. For instance, we have the familiar expression that one who lives in a glasshouse should not throw rocks. In other words, we need to realize our own imperfection and not be so quick to judge others.

Jesus taught the same wisdom. He took it a step further and questioned why we should judge at all. He expressed this with the immortal phrase: "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone."

Lao Tzu expressed it in yet another way. From chapter 27 of Tao Te Ching, we read his emphatic statement: "Good speech does not seek faults."

When we seek faults in others, we are pointing the finger of accusation. We're also throwing stones of recrimination and blame. All too often we do so without thinking about our own faults. We cannot see the glasshouse in which we live.

This is something most of us can agree on, but few of us can put into practice. Pointing fingers isn't just limited to blaming and accusing. It is also a way to highlight shortcomings in others, to mock and to criticize. We seem to enjoy doing this too much to ever give it up.

Even now, as you think about specific examples from your life, you may be able to see the problem. We all encounter some people in life we just cannot stand. Sometimes it can be so hard to resist the temptation to say a few nasty words about them - you may regret it later, but venting a bit really gives you a momentary satisfaction, doesn't it?

"I'm only telling the truth," you may say in your own defense. "The negative things I'm pointing out are exactly the way they are. Really, this person deserves a lot more than the little bit I have dished out."

In other words, you have cast yourself in the role of the protagonist; your target is, of course, the antagonist in your little life drama. Here's what Lao Tzu wrote about this relationship, also in chapter 27:

Therefore the good person is the teacher of the bad person
The bad person is the resource of the good person
The one who does not value his teachers
And does not love his resources
Although intelligent, he is greatly confused

At first glance, this is simply a reiteration of what we have already discussed. The people you dislike - the antagonists in your personal soap opera - are "bad." But instead of judging them, you should love them. Love thy enemy... yeah, we've all heard that before.

But wait, things are not quite that simple. Remember that in the Tao paradigm everything is relative. Everything has meaning only in comparison with something else. What that means in this case is that you are not always the "good person." You may be, compared to someone who hasn't caught up to your level of personal development, but compared to someone else who's more spiritually refined, you are suddenly the "bad person."

We can see how a bad person may have much to learn, thus making a teacher out of the good person. But how can the bad person be a resource to the good person? What does Lao Tzu mean by that?

One way the bad person can be a resource is to serve as an example. The good benefits from the bad through observations. For instance, when an ignorant individual has done something unwise that causes a lot of trouble, you want to observe and learn in order to avoid repeating the same mistake.

Another way the bad person can be a resource is to serve as a mirror and a magnifier. The crucial insight here is that the fault that you find so repulsive in someone else most likely exists in you as well. It may be only a trace, or it may be a problem you've had in the past, or it may be a potential that you fear. The more you dislike it in yourself, the more violently you react to someone else who exhibits the same attribute. It is as if you are seeing yourself in a funhouse mirror, with some negativity reflected and magnified. It is something that can really drive you nuts.

A good friend of mine had an experience with this at a most visceral level. He was heading down the street one day when he saw an overweight woman with rotten teeth struggling with her children. The scene struck him as an incredibly repulsive sight.

It bothered him a great deal, and he couldn't get rid of the mental image for the rest of the day. He finally decided to talk to someone about it. A friend of his had a deep understanding of psychology, so he turned to this gentleman and expressed his feelings of disgust and revulsion against the woman.

His friend was silent for a time. And then he asked: "Did you ever have a weight problem?"

"Yes. I used to be badly out of shape."

"How about your teeth? Did you ever have problems with your teeth?"

"I had a lot of dental work done - ah, I see where you're going with this."

His friend nodded. "And kids? Any trouble with kids in the past?"

"Yes," he replied, and began to understand. "It really wasn't her I disliked so much. All along, it was me... or perhaps my fear of the potential in me to become like her. No wonder it got to me so much."

You can see the same thing for yourself. I recommend that you try the following exercise: Make a list of the people you dislike. Next to each name, write down the characteristic of the person that really bugs you. Then go through the list of faults and be brutally honest. You may find, much to your chagrin, that every fault you have written exists in some fashion, at some point in time, within yourself.

Don't let this get you down. Instead, realize that these people have done you a favor. They serve a useful function in highlighting the imperfections in your character. They have become, literally, valuable resources.

Also, keep in mind that a sense of humor has always been part of Taoism. It is very Tao-like for us to have a little fun while we cultivate spirituality. With that in mind, let us utilize this insight in creative ways.

Go to the people you dislike, and tell them, with 100% sincerity, that they have been a great resource to you. Can you just imagine their incredulous facial expression when they hear this from you?

Have your loved ones read this article - or better yet, explain it to them in your own words. Next time you have a fight with them, and you know you're in the wrong but can't bring yourself to apologize (gentlemen, pay special attention), ask them if you have just been a great resource. I guarantee this will dissolve the tension instantaneously.

Now let's re-examine the cliché with which we began this discussion: When you point a finger at someone else, three of your fingers point back at yourself. We have seen that this is literally true because the fault that you dislike in someone invariably exists in some form within yourself. Perhaps it's only a trace, but it's there nonetheless, and you react to it.

What happens when you are truly without any faults? Well, none of your fingers would be pointing back at all. Thus, as you extend your hand toward the one with the faults, all of your fingers are pointing in the same direction toward that person. Visualize this in your mind.

Notice your gesture is no longer one of accusation or indictment. Instead, you are reaching out to offer either a handshake or a helping hand. With none of your fingers able to point back, it is simply not possible for you to seek faults with finger pointing. The person at fault is your resource, and you love your resource... for you have become the teacher.